torn

It's another typical morning.
Waking up with the sun shining bright, but this time, with a pair of sore eyes.

I cannot remember what causes this, until i look into the mirror. And i remember, i cried to mommy last night.
It has been a long time since the last time i cried in front of her. Like i cannot even remember when was it. In fact, i felt so good after the bursting of tears, in front of a person that shower me with all the loves and cares. Felt so at ease, so safe and comfortable. It reminded me the feeling of being a young little daughter who has no worries or sorrows.

Cried about the uncertainties and future.
Cried about the feeling of being a failure with no clear direction.
Cried about the indifference on me.
Cried about the insecurity that i have when i was surrounded by unsupportive people who spoken things that hurt or make you feel worthless.
There is nothing to be ashamed of to cry in front of mother at this age of 22.
I did not feel weak, no self-doubt at all, and did not feel this could make her worry much.
In fact, this got us to be closer.
Because we used to be honest to each other, and we are still.
I spoke to her while i could feel the warmth of the rolling tears all over my face.
She listened to me and did not stop me from crying.
At that moment, i'm no longer felt torn.
But i wish i could be at home, again.

Nothing to be afraid or worried of.
Yet, i realize i have too much to be done but i don't know where to begin.
Making decisions train us to be more decisive.
Yet, hesitation comes into play.

Nobody would understand anyone on this earth thoroughly.
Because we are all unique and special.
But i still believe, different people can understand different stages and parts of your life.
If you could speak out, you could share, you might be able to find the right one for that particular issue.
Be it a big issue or a small problem.
In fact, i believe there is no measurement for this.
Because we are nobody.
Who are we to judge?
What we need  is the simplest thing that we could control, which is a combination of an open heart, sincerity, trust, positivity and good intention.
With no lies nor cover up.

Faith, i am still holding on.
Hope, i am still believing in.